Saturday, May 29, 2010

A Before-Father's-Day Post (otherwise titled: My Dad makes me wanna jump off roofs)


My dad is 90 years old.

He spends all day watching cooking shows and CNN on Astro, and sometimes napping on the couch. He can still hobble around, speaks when he wants to, and eats little. I am trying to recall my best memories of dad when he was healthier, stronger, and when he could still do things with and for us.

He worked as a Division One officer at a government office. So it was pretty routine for him to come home at a fairly regular time. Which strangely enough, was the highpoint of my day. I say strangely because dad has never been the kind that is lovey-dovey, showing any kind of physical acts of love...no hugs, no kisses, no words of endearment. Yet how is it I never felt like I lacked in any way?

One day I was up on the roof (yes, on the roof) at the back of our very large government bungalow, with my brothers and a neighbour-boy. Our age-range might have been maybe 7 -11 years old. The guys were coaxing me to jump off the ledge, on a lower part of the roof. It's a guy thing (so what was I doing there). All of them had already jumped before me, and were standing on the grass below me. "It's ok...jump! Nothing, wan! Can, wan!"

I was afraid to.

Until I heard my dad's car rounding the corner in front. Dad was home!! I was so excited, I immediately jumped. (And found I didn't die after all.) Yep, my dad makes me wanna jump off roofs.

Dad coming home was the highpoint of my day. Sometimes, he would buy me (the youngest daughter, there are 3 boys and 3 girls in our family) little things. I clearly remember an itsy bitsy, rectangular red coin purse with a golden twist knob at the top, that he probably bought from a pedlar who might have come round his office. He probably bought stuff for my brothers and sisters, too but it's hard enough trying to recall my memories here, y'know?

And almost every Sunday after church, he'd let us 3 girls persuade him to take us to what we called the "Soak Shop" to buy all those pickled fruit that were sold in humongous, glass
jars...mango and papaya slices, and bright-red preserved fruit that would stain our lips and tongue. It's a girl thing. And dad understood.







I'll always cherish that he made time for us to take the whole family, almost every year, to Port Dickson. As a high-ranking officer, he could rent a government bungalow by the beach, and together with a whole bunch of cousins and their parents, we'd have the most wonderful 3 or 4 days, chasing after a zillion look!-over-there! here-got-more-here-got-more hermit crabs, floating in it's-my-turn-no, it's-my turn! rubber inner-tubes of tyres, browning ourselves in the morning-afternoon-evening sun (who'd ever heard of skin cancer back then in Jurassic Park times?), stretching our swimsuit straps aside to compare and oooh-and-aaah about who got the most sunburnt, and rubbing Hazeline Snow on ouch-yikes-oooh peeling noses and shoulders and backs and getting "TOLD you to come out of the water earlier on, right? serves-you-right" from our mothers. Honestly, mothers can be collectively sympathetic at times.

My dad in his younger days was always the life of the party. There'd always be loud, singing um.."performances" when dad was at family gatherings. If you're thinking "Somewhere over the rainbow"...forget it. Some of the songs bordered on needing censorship but a number were just plain nonsense

(to the tune of Auld Lang Syne)

We're here because, we're here because, we're here, because WE'RE HERE!
We're here because, we're here because, we're here, because we're HERE....

which was repeated til forever and ever. Amen.


These days you read of dads who kick and stomp their toddler to death. Dads who rape their teenager, repeatedly for several years. Dads who imprison their children in a dungeon of sorts to use, as and how they please. Dads high on drugs, who cut off the head of their child's kitten and stuff it into their mouth to shut them up.

Yep, there are some really evil dads out there.

So with all that, can I look at my dad's flaws, mistakes, weaknesses and bad decisions and hold them against him? Wouldn't that be tunnel vision of some sort?

What do you give a dad who is ninety years old for Father's Day? He's in his pyjamas all day and nearly never goes out so it can't be an item of clothing. He only eats porridge so it can't be a treat to a restaurant nor food of any kind cos nothing appeals to him. Not a book cos he stopped reading a long time ago. Not cash cos what would he do with it? Certainly not lovey-dovey hugs or kisses.

I think the least I can do on Father's Day is tell him I'm counting my blessings. Maybe tell him I wouldn't have any other dad if I could choose. Heck, maybe read him this blog page.

And pray with him. (I've yet to meet anyone who did not benefit from prayer)

And then I'd sing him some nonsense songs.

We're here because, we're here because, we're here, because WE'RE HERE!
We're here because, we're here because, we're here, because we're HERE....



p/s Do write in if you have any comments about this post. Your comment will not appear immediately as I have to publish it. Also, I do try to answer most comments. If you have been following this blog, show some love and sign up as a follower!



24 comments:

  1. So touching lah this post :')

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  2. hoping people will remember Father's Day in a special way this year...thanks, HeR$heYs!

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  3. Thanks Val. Relived memories of my late dad. Happy Father's Day Uncle, you got a great daughter ....

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  4. huda, thank you also for the many times you talk about your late dad! how different a childhood we all had...

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  5. I remember the times when i used to stay over at ur hse and your dad was always funny. You used to get embarrassed by his actions. We have a lot in common. Our dads were working in the same place. I used to go to Port Dickson almost every school holiday just like u.
    How come eh i don't remember ur brothers. I can only remember ur sisters...diana and can't remember the other one's name.
    By all means tell him that he's the best dad ever. I am very sure he'll love it more than anything else u can give him. Don't forget to hug him while u still can. I used to kiss my dad every day. Good job on this post/ blog/story.

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  6. wow oli, we should have gone on those holidays together! hugs and kisses? no, no, he'd squirm!

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  7. Loved reading this! You are a very talented writer! Your blog banner picture is incredible! Where was it taken?

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  8. Loved it Val! I remember your dad had no qualms giving me a lift home one night - after the CRS camp-fire in 77. He didn't say much, but I could see that he was the 'strong, silent' type.
    Wah! You had 3 abangs? I only thought you had one brother - the one younger than you. Hmm that shows how little I know about you! LOL!
    Thanks for sharing such a beautiful story! Happy Father's Day to your dad! muah!

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  9. pattieboo, my, you really have a good memory...now i'll have to read all these comments to my dad, too. :)

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  10. Lovely piece, Aunt Val. Happy Fathers' Day to your dad (Shdn't they create Daughters' Day?)

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  11. Very nice post :) Enjoyed reading it

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  12. thanks theresa! i can't remember! maybe google?

    thanks, john. are you a follower, cos i'm not sure which john this is(!).

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  13. yes, Nya, they SHOULD create Daughters' Day...
    :)

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  14. Hey friend! I love this post and how you painted a picture with your words. My dad was similar to yours in many ways as I grew up, quiet and mostly predictable in action. I am learning to appreciate him as a person as I have grown up. I think there were times I viewed his silence as some kind of weakness, that he had some fear of speaking his mind. Now I know it takes a lot more strength to keep your mouth closed sometimes then to voice ones every opinion. I think my mom probably nagged him into a place of solitude :) I will pray that your dad has peace and good health during the remainder of his life...and comfy pajamas :) love and miss you all! (Theresa from Oklahoma)

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  15. U should compile all your entries and jadikan buku lah Val. Can teach my girls how to write like you ah?

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  16. yea, should compile all your posts, make it into a book and pass it down to the next generations. It's like pages of wonderful touching stories with morals =) *melts my heart*

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  17. hey theresa sacket! so happy we're still in touch! thanks for sharing..you start a blog too, will ya?

    butterflutter - what would i do with the buku? would love to teach your girls but you sure you want them to write about their mummy!! haha!!

    small boar - thanks! pass it down to the next generations....hmmmm. this started out as a small, fun thingy..are you cari-ing pasal for me!!

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  18. from facebook Zahara Manan June 3 at 12:11pm
    val, u r a gd writer, i admire your work, enjoys reading your blogspot, keep writing, u r also a gd daughter, m sure your dad is proud of u

    zahara, thanks and do sign up as a follower of my blog! tree-shades

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  19. from facebook:

    Veronica Victoria June 3 at 12:46pm
    Yes, really enjoying ur blog.

    Glad to hear that, Veronica! sign up as a follower, ok? tree-shades

    Theresa Wong June 3 at 1:54pm

    so cool.....thanks

    Theresa Wong, encouraging to know you are reading my blog eventhough you always think/say your English is not good...sign up as a follower of my blog,sayang!

    tree-shades

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  20. from facebook: Tony Willis June 3 at 9:23am

    Hey I read it! It's good :) Good work dahlink!


    tony, why do you say Hey I read it! like it was a difficult task but you managed to do it? hahahaha! thanks...dahlink?

    tree-shades

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  21. I know this is late but just found this blogg, great post wonderful writing. We did have a differant childhood than our children & grandchildren, the sercet though is to give some of the past to these new generations by sharing our memories and making new ones with them, the world is now a very scary place to grow-up in but parents and grandparents can make it a nicer place. If you do not have young ones to make memories with, borrow some! With permission of course. thank you Mema

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  22. hey anonymous! it's great you found me, and am glad you enjoyed my posting! and no, it's not late at all.

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  23. it is always great to hear these 'memories' like if it was just yesterday (and it seems like too!) a great tribute to your papa .. and hey and i know why you JUMPed when you did .. cos you didn't want your DAD to catch you up there on the roof... hahaha!
    andrew

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  24. andrew: actually we pretty much had a lot of freedom to do wild things in those days. times were much safer back then. but you should know :)

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